Pictures

Just some of the pictures I took during my week on Mausund vær, a small island communety off the shore of mid-Norway...

The Funeral

It was a beautyfull ceromony, her funeral...

A lot of people showed up, and I saw more flowers then I ever have... Eaven a few of my classmates payed their respects. A good friend of mine, Vibeke, came by herself. She didn't know anyone there and she just came without saying a word... It meant a lot to me.

During the morning the clouds had been a thick carpet over the sky, and about an hour before we left home it all cleared and the sun smiled down from the crystal blue sky. When it was done the coulds showed up again... but it was like they only covered half the horizon, and it started to snow lightly. Just a few small snowflakes falling from the sky, reflecting the still shining sun. It was lovely.

I was a mess, though... Really hard accepting everyones condolances (spelling?) after all that.

Tomorrow I'll just relax and pack, because I'm leaving Sunday morning to spend some time with my mother's side of the famely. Will be gone a few days, don't know when I'll write next time.

Thanks for reading

My mother has left

Monday March 7th. 2005, at 11:45 Vigdis Synnøve took her last breath. 49 years into her life.

Her mother sat with her and just finished singing when the pulse faded, a relaxed sigh ended her day long struggle to breathe. She had waited until most of us left the room before letting go, perhaps in an attempt to soften the impact as is her way. I was not there to see her leave, but had said my goodbyes... I consider myself lucky to have been granted that chance.

It was a beautyfull day and the sun was shining in the window of the room that had been her home the last weeks, one couldn't wish for a better hospice to live in, nor a more caring and considerate staff of doctors and nurses. I am gratefull for the time we had together, and that last christmas and new year was the best I can remember.

She was a strong woman, a stubborn fighter. She came from a small island communety to the mainland to work at the age of 14 so she could afford an education. After giving birth to 4 children she educated herself to becoming a nurse so as to help others.
Grandaughter, daughter, wife, mother and grandmother, she is the first of four generations of women to pass on.

There was a memorial today. Words from Bjørn Eidsvåg's "Eg Ser" was read, the same words that were said at her father's funeral just about two years ago.
Forgive me for not translating...

Eg ser at du er trøtt,
men eg kan ikkje gå alle skritta for deg.
Du må gå de sjøl,
men eg ve gå de med deg.
Eg ve gå de med deg.

Eg ser du har det vondt,
men eg kan ikkje grina alle tårene for deg.
Du må grina de sjøl,
men eg ve grina med deg.
Eg ve grina med deg.

Eg ser du vil gi opp,
men eg kan ikkje leva livet for deg.
Du må leva det sjøl,
men eg ve leva med deg.
Eg ve leva med deg.

Eg ser at du er redd,
men eg kan ikkje gå i døden for deg.
Du må smake han sjøl,
men eg gjør død til liv for deg, eg gjør død til liv for deg.
Eg har gjort død til liv for deg.

What's going on...

I think it's about time I get some of my thoughts down, as well as let whoever feels like reading this know what's going on...

Lets start from the top: Spring last year, we found out my mother had a rare bone marrow disorder which would be fatal if not treated. She needed a donor and until we could find one she'd get blood every week. Whole famely was tested to see if anyone could donate bone marrow, I missed my final exam in order to get myself tested, but none of us matched...

In the next weeks doctors found that she had developed bloodcancer, which would have to be treated before doing any tranplantation. Cell treatment began and she was isolated in the hospital for weeks... After the first treatment tests were positive and she was allowed to come home, we were all relived and things were looking up, but then the blood levels dropped and she had to get another treatment. I'm glad that was done in time for christmas, we had the first ever christmas holyday with everyone gathered, in fact. We eaven found a donor for bone marrow.

Sadly the hospital was not ready for a transplant and while waiting my mother was given a third treatment in order to keep the cancer at bay... By now we were more or less used to the idea and would visit every day after work. Now, however, came the big blow...

Towards the end of her third treatment, my mother had a total heartfailure without warning. If my dad hadn't found her within the minute, she would have died back then. She was hooked up to life support and was unable to wake for about a week, durung this time I missed another exam due to practically living at the hospital. It was concluded that the cancer treatment damaged her heart, and all treatment stopped. The particularry aggressive cancer, combined with the bone marrow/blood disorder and weak heart meant nothing could be done without just endagering her life further.

However bad the situation looked, we saw hope as she gradually recovered. For every day she improved, soon she could talk, then she walked again. It was clear she had suffered braindamage, but she was recovering. We were told it would be possible to live a long life with her condition, as long as she got aid... So we started arranging for her to come home, in the mean time she was given a room at a caring home.

... Just last week she was struck with fevor... after that she got an infection of which she still has not recovered from, medicine doesn't help. Yesterday we had a meeting with the doctor in charge, who estimated she has less then a week... She'll probebly be gone by the end of the weekend... So I guess that's it... I thought perhaps I should get it down on "paper" while I'm still sane.

This is why I've been so distant, at least.

Upset

The morning was wonderfull, eaven had someone drop me some nice words on msn... Lovely.

Visited my mother. She's doing well considering the circumstances.

Yeah, well... you all probebly know what happened when I got home and checked the TSM forums. Seriously pisses me off when people insist on spreading negative things around.
I try not to stir things up, but I'm rather upset at the moment. Don't want anyone to get hurt, this case in particular... No one I know deserves anything better then she does.

First post!

*yawn*

Got to sleep... just wanted this done... Nanight.